apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
