I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
