Michael Bay diarrhea
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
