I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
