so that wasnt chicken after all
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is wine microwaveable?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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