that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
