So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
