I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
