best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
handjob tips. give me some.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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