his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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