No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
