he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
