Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
