someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
