i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
