all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
