This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
