At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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