If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
