Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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