Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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