On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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