Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
