they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We just shotgunned beers for America
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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