okay pat passed out under dana's car
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
