I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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