my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
