you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
