Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
