I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
porn star boner night. come get it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
