ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
