just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
