im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
