I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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