Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
