if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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