how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
