She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
