Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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