I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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