When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
