i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
