I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
