Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
