I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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