ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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