that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What a dumb baby whore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
