these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize