I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
