I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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