Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
