the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
