Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize