sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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