using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
