i think my tv is drunk
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
