All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
