i think my tv is drunk
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
