these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
