i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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